Thoughts on motherhood
It is my absolute pleasure to introduce you to Who’s the Grown-Up, a delightful mother-and-daughter blog that I had the serendipity to stumble upon this afternoon (I hope that’s the correct use of the word “serendipity”). I love reading parenting blogs (such as Offsprung) but what makes this one different is the fact that it’s a dialogue between a mother and her teenage daughter as well as the fact that the mother is a lesbian and lives with her partner of 25 years.
I have been fascinated with gay parenting issues for years now. I myself am bisexual and although my position on the Kinsey scale varies from time to time (as in, sometimes I have a slight preference for men, sometimes I have a slight preference for women) there is a good chance I might end up settling down and starting a family with another female.
I was brought up in a religious and homophobic family where gay is seen as wrong and gay parenting is seen as wrongness squared. Now, ever since I came out (to myself) at 14, I’ve worked hard to rid myself of internalized homophobia, and succeeded for the most part. However, this self-acceptance did not necessarily extend as far as LGBT parenting. I definitely want to be a parent some day (not for another fifteen years or so though!) and there’s no question about it:even if I settle down with a woman I’m still starting a family. But my parents’ ‘gay parenting is bad’ schtick was very deeply ingrained. I started thinking “yeah but what if they’re right? what if a child does need a father-figure?”. I guess since my parents are very happily married and have provided an almost perfect environment for me and my brothers to grow up in I figured this is probably the best way and anything less wouldn’t be right. So there’s been this ongoing struggle in my brain between the side that still hangs on to what my parents have taught me and the side that says there is nothing wrong with a same-sex couple raising a child.
Anyway, when I was 17 I went to my first pride festival. At the launch, there was this little three year old running around handing out fliers for a picnic for lesbian mothers. My reactions were (a) omigod he is sooo CUTE! and (b) I’m so going. So I went along on the morning, and it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. There was only one actual couple with babies there, but their kids were so nice and so cool with their parents being gay that it completely dispelled any of my fears. The oldest kid, a 9 year old boy, was a bit shocked when I said my parents would be funny about me being bi. I thought that was sweet.
Anyway, I’ve got a particular interest in reading stuff about gay couples having kids, not least because it scares off any internalized-homophobia shiznit about not having kids, and renews my convictions. This particular blog is just adorable, cos it shows just how normal, and – dare I say it – outstanding citizens, kids of LGBT parents turn out. Another reason I like it is that it’s very American – the way those two argue in their video blogs reminds me of how my American friend Sarah and her mum argue. There seems to be a particular way that American ‘moms’ and their daughters debate things and it’s so cute.
Anyway, I urge you all to check it out, it’s a really cool blog.
